On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
