She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
