literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
