Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
