You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
