It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize