Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
