Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
