idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
