Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
