The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
BRING THE BAGELS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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