I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
