So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
