I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
