gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
