What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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