You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
