The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
