If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
