I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
