woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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