I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
