i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
