I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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