I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
