i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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