he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
