I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
