Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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