i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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