The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
