i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
