Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
