Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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