so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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