My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
