i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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