We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
40s are totally the cure
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
