You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need a beard to bite.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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