she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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