Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
