So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
