She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize