Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
