if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
