I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
