Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
