but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
