me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
