How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
