last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
