u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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