Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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