god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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