Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
