Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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