literally had 100 drinks last night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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