Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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