Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I did not marry a roomba.
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