She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
