I faked an abortion last night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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