He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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