the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
