She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize