there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
