I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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