My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
