and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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