I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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