plz talk dirty to me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
