i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Houston, we have a blender
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
