we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
