see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
