i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
