He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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