Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had sex on a roof
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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