bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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