Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
