You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sober January is a disaster.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
