I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
