worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
