Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
