i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
